Diseases.

I remember having chicken pox as a child.

It was the only time growing up that I got to miss church.  I think my sister and I thought it was so amazing that we were still in our pajamas on a Sunday morning.

Is chicken pox a disease?

(I am no medical person but I'm putting it into that category for the sake of this post.)

In Kenya, I have contracted malaria.

That's nothing to joke about.  That disease is awful.

Besides that, I've been generally healthy my whole life (well, if you exclude being obese.  And what a disease - epidemic that is in our nation.)

But, yea, I've generally been able to stay away from doctor's office and hospitals.

I am grateful.

Since giving birth to Natalie, I've had numerous little things that have popped up that have affected my health.

My knees giving me pain where I can't walk up or down stairs normally.

Intense amounts of pain in my feet that I can't walk or move or workout or anything like that.

I...and others around me...thought it was all due to working out.  Stress fractures, etc.

And then...I couldn't use my arms to pick up Natalie in the crib during the night or in the morning.

It was so frustrating.  Why couldn't my arms work and why was it SO difficult to pick up my little gal?  She didn't even weigh that much.  She's a petite little thing.

Soon it was followed by I can't squeeze toothpaste out of the container.  Or squeeze shampoo out in the shower.  Or even open up some tylenol.

I was so frustrated.

I think the biggest shock to me was that after losing all this weight and then finally getting back to the States to put my wedding rings back on (yes, left those here) and they were snug.

How was that possible?!

Everyone had been telling me "oh, those rings are going to be too big for you.  You are going to have to get them sized down."

So one can imagine how strange it was that they were so snug.

Things just weren't adding up.

Why couldn't I run just normally?

Why did I have trouble doing just all these little routine tasks?

Why couldn't I hold our daughter?

What's up with my rings?

Plus numerous other little things that just didn't add up.

Trip to the doctor and blood work got me sent to a rheumatologist.

Diagnosis: "You have an auto-immune disease called Rheumatoid Arthritis."

I'm 36.

That's young.

I'm still trying to wrap my mind around it all.  So is Kyle.

How will this affect my daily life?  Our life?  Our kids lives?  So many questions floating around in my head.

I despise taking medication and now I have prescriptions for it.

Life-long disease.

My body is attacking my body.

I am still learning about it.  Still processing it.

Still on the verge of tears.

I thought writing would help (most of the time it does) and for me, it is helping right now.

It's interesting to make a big lifestyle change to a healthy one and feel like I did all the right things and now to be faced with this.

I believe God designed this beautifully.  I'm thankful that He led me into a plan of healthy eating and getting fit because He knew what was coming down the road.  One of the best things you can do for yourself when you have RA is to eat healthy foods and stay active.  Thankful that I didn't come to this diagnosis first and then try to change my lifestyle.  Thank you, God, for doing just 1 big lifestyle change at a time.

So many questions and thoughts running through our minds right now.

I'll share as I figure things out...or as I don't figure things out.

Thank you, God, for already being in front of me for hearing this piece of news and I take comfort in You and that You have already, am doing, and will continue to take care of me.

Amen.